By JO JOHNSON
IT WAS only a few hours ago that a father stood at his son’s funeral. Upon returning home, he heard the steady buzzing of a mobile phone – his son’s. He found a number of new messages on the screen.
The messages were from family and friends who wished to say their own private goodbyes to the boy. Some mourned the tragedy of his premature death. Others remembered the good times they shared.
Christopher Hall, director of the Australian Centre for Grief and Bereavement, believes cases like this are becoming more widespread and highlight how new media has impacted on the way people grieve.
“The internet is becoming a massive social exchange,” he said.
“It has provided people with another vehicle to express their grief and engage and share in the experience of loss.”
In a world plagued by tragedy, social networking sites like Facebook and Twitter offer a safe place for people to explore their grief and reflect on the life of loved ones.
Tom Carr-Boyd, 22, was killed in an avalanche in Kosciusko National Park in August last year. His family and friends continue his memory through his Facebook page, sharing stories and photographs.
On his birthday last week, one friend commented “Hey Tom, Ryan and I had a birthday lunch for you in a park in London. We even had cake. Happy Birthday!! We miss you xo”.
Similarly, a number of online memorials have been created to remember those lost in the recent Samoan tsunami and Indonesian earthquakes.
Hall said the internet offers an opportunity for people to build on their relationships with the departed and also with others who may be experiencing loss.
“It is no longer the case that the goal of grieving is to let go. It is the end of a life, not a relationship,” he said.
“Grief is a lifelong process of adapting to life without a loved one. The net provides people with more options for support. They may read about the experiences of others and take part in online counselling and discussion groups.”
In 2007, Clifton Hatfield developed a website with the idea of allowing people to create memorials for lost loved ones.
His site, Mournwatch.com, receives more than 20, 000 hits per month and allows people to share tribute videos and read life timelines.
“People can view online memorials all over the world, at anytime,” Hatfield said.
“After a death, a person can feel isolated or alone…. The social side of the web has let people support each other through their mourning process and minimize the feeling of loneliness.”
Hatfield also infers that as the web grows more social, online mourning will become common practice.
“In the near future, I feel that a time will come when people will be more concerned with the online memorial representing someone who has died than the headstone placed at their gravesite.”
In Australia, no research has been conducted into the impact of the internet on grief and bereavement.
However, Hall said research conducted overseas has shown a number of positive results.
“Research has shown that there is a significant improvement in how people cope with grief following involvement in online group therapy of some sort,” he said.
A spokesperson for Lifeline Canberra said online forums for expressing grief are an important medium in society, and that it is likely they will play a significant role in the future of grief counselling.
“As yet, we don’t have e-counselling here at Lifeline Canberra… but it is certainly an area we are looking at expanding into,” she said.
