Goddess Review

‘Goddess’ is an Australian film set in rural Tasmania. It follows main character and songstress Elspeth Dickens’ short-lived journey to stardom. Elspeth’s husband James (played by Ronan Keating) travels for work, leaving her alone to care for her two young twin sons. Originally from England, Elspeth has no friends or family to lean on or visit. After receiving a web camera as a gift from James, she tackles her boredom by singing into the device.

I’ve seen few films in the past that have baffled me as much as this one. To be blunt, this film is down right awkward. It is incredibly corny and there is hardly any dialogue as the vast majority of the film is Elspeth singing the lyrics ‘welcome to my kitchen sink’ into the web cam for the world to see. She regularly changes outfits to accompany different songs; one minute she is dressed as a cowgirl the next in a sultry red dress. She dances with her pet goat and a cleaning mop around the house.

Elspeth’s children are tantrum throwing brats who on more than one occasion cause scenes as they kick and scream at the top of their lungs in a supermarket isle, demanding toys. A duet between Elsbeth and James nearing the end of the film was the final straw. The scene resembled a music video clip with James standing on a boat in the Antarctic singing lines to Elsbeth who stood on a cliff belting back heart felt lyrics across the ocean. I willed the song to be over soon after it started, as the scene was very uncomfortable.

The ending was very typical, minus the fact that

James makes an over exaggerated entrance at the local supermarket by helicopter. The whole town watches on as James and Elsbeth stand a good two metres away from each other, declare their undying love for one another and then finally embrace.

I wasted my money and two hours of my life watching ‘Goddess’ that I will never get back. If you must see it, I would strongly recommend waiting until the film is released on DVD. I doubt you will have to wait long, as I was one of only three people in the cinema…