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Cracking things to have on crackers

Some things are meant to go together. In the same way that you pull out a chair and then sit in it, you have a mop and a bucket, Wallace and Gromit, custard and apple pie, and Bing so you can search for Google, to name just a few examples.

Bread, meanwhile, is a very different story. My father-in-law empties the entire contents of the fridge into a sandwich and still manages to eat the resulting 16-story building with a smile on his face. That’s mildly over the top, but the point is, you can have nearly any food item on bread.

And this brings us to crackers, which are basically just smaller and harder pieces of bread. It follows then, that you can have a lot more than just cheese with them.

1. Smoked cheese

You can have smoked cheese for starters. I’m of the opinion that nearly anything food-related can be made better by smoking it, and cheese is definitely no exception. There are plenty of different cheeses that come in degrees, from smoked to triple-smoked, depending on how much like a chimney you’d like your breath to smell afterwards.

2. French onion dip

One of the greatest things to come from France, or at least a French chef in Los Angeles, and probably the most famous of the dips. You can make your own fairly easily with onions (obviously), cream cheese, sour cream, mayo, butter, and a few spices, or even more easily, buy a ready-to-go tub from the grocery store.

3. Cocktail Frankfurts and cheese

Don’t forget to cook them in a pot of boiling water first. It turns out the microwave doesn’t count.

4. Pickled onion and cheese

A very English option, for those after a different, tangier taste. Best enjoyed in moderation.

5. Grapes and cream cheese

Simply smear a cracker with cream cheese and plop a grape on top. Best consumed in one bite, so you don’t shoot the person opposite with grape juice.

6. Sardines in tomato sauce and cheese

Sardines can be bought from the store in small tins, and simply cut up into smaller, bite-size chunks. The sauce is already there.

7. Smoked oysters in oil

Probably not to everyone’s taste, but our first option without cheese that isn’t a dip, for those seeking a little extra class. That said, they can be had just as well with cheese too. You’ll find these next to the sardines in the store.

8. Tuna and cucumber

Yes, more fish. Mix a tin of tuna chunks in with one-to-two tablespoons of mayo, half a teaspoon of curry powder, and one tablespoon of vinegar, although according to my wife, all of that is to taste and she has no idea what the actual best measurements are. So once you’re satisfied with it, serve with sliced cucumber.

9. Chicken and salsa

Peel and chop four tomatoes, finely chop half a red onion and a small garlic clove, then add small splashes of white wine vinegar and lemon juice. This is the salsa. Or you can buy from the store in a jar and combine with thin slices of chicken to make the perfect, easy light lunch.

10. Ham and apple sauce

Okay, this one is from the top of my head, but in theory, it should be delicious. After all, what could possibly go wrong with apple sauce?

Bonus 11. Hummus

If you must.

Recent Comments


Thanks James! This list is quite good but I feel like you have under-represented charcuterie and that you could definitely use more pickle variants. I'm also going to vote no to apple sauce and ham - too much moisture for a cracker. Save it for your Christmas ham. Keep on writing! This is excellent.

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