Short Person Concert Survival Guide
Being short means that unless you camp outside the venue to be the first one in, then stand right at the front only to be progressively crushed as more people pack into the venue…you’re doomed. As the night goes on, while everyone waits for the crappy supporting act to finish so that they can finally listen to the headlining band, you become increasingly frustrated. Your toes start to ache as you’ve been on them all night, yet all you’ve seen is the top of Mr-arrogantly-tall-man-that-keeps-farting’s head.
You’re about to leave, but finally, the headline gig decides to grace the concert with their presence.
That’s when you realise Mr-Jack-in-the-flipping-bean-stalk is suddenly taller because he’s now on his tiptoes. He’s already tall…why would he need to be taller, you question, while violently mentally stabbing him in the back with your eyes.
Your tall friends ask if you’re okay and if you can see? If you could reach their ears, you’d yell at them and say “of course I can’t see a flipping thing, put me on your shoulders so all the rest of the short people can despise me for once!” But unfortunately, you can’t reach their ears, so you’re stuck nodding politely.
The remedy? A short person bay. Just like the senior citizen bay, or the mums with prams bay at the movies…they should have a “vertically challenged acceptance bay” right at the front so you can see everything.
5 ways to enjoy a concert even thought you’re short
- Pre-drink like there is no tomorrow. You’ll feel as tall as any Lakers basketball player.
- Whip out the stilettos. Forget what your podiatrist said. You may have broken ankles, but at least you were tall enough to see the sweat drip off your favourite singer’s forehead.
- Beg your friends to carry you on their shoulders. I suggest impeccable hygiene.
- Pick your surroundings well. Get in early.
But, seriously, if you don’t want to stand towards the front, but also don’t want to be crushed, try standing in the side wings. You’ll be able to see everything and you won’t have the egotistical drunk douche bag dripping sweat all over your back.